Another sad disappearance

Have been away for quite a while, have had many situations to handle, but as it seems its not getting any better any time soon, I shouldn't procastinate and should show some activity.

There isn't much to say, really, though too many news, just some are too private to share. One I feel very upset about right now though is my other little baby, Pani Mysova. She was an angel dropped down from heaven in February, when Onyx passed away. Our Valentyne. She came to save the situation and to restore both our and Opi's happiness. She has blessed us with her presence for such a short time and now has disappeared after Onyx - crossing the rainbow bridge forever.

I will miss you :'-(

"BossPissOff"

My boss has never liked me as a person. I can deal with that. But ever since I have put my hijab on my everyday life at work became hell on Earth. He started giving me the good old “if looks could kill” classic and started searching for any reason to give me hell. A short stint of productivity issues has done the deal. Forever.

No matter how hard I try, how much results I gain or how much I speed up I still get criticized. His favorite activity is to diss me and to go actively fish for any criticisms on me he can find. While my project management gave me praise he gave me hell for the same project. He watches me like a vulture watches a tired animal, waiting for it to drop. By simply existing I can get his jugular to pulse so hard that if I were a vampire he’d targeted himself in a crowd. I've found a lovely picture to illustrate how I feel about him and the gossip crew (see below).

Honestly, I don’t mind constructive criticism or follow up which doesn’t sound so good and I can take it like a (wo)man, but I like fair treatment. When I improve, I want if not to get some acknowledgement at least to be left alone. If there is detriment in my productivity I want support before I get hateful treatment. I’ve been losing sleep, heath and nerves to this.

But I have found the perfect attitude - a perfect game. I call it "BossPissOff". I will not almost

throw-up over going to work anymore. This morning I have decided to walk all over the office with the enthusiasm of a tree-year-old wearing a mask of joy so strong I look like I won the lottery and got proposed to by Mr Big all at once. I stood up to this promise and did this all of today. Have you ever noticed that if people really don’t like you it pisses them off when you are happy? It works way better than if I would be offending them right in the face and so far it has no backfire on me. Whenever I skipped past the gossip crowd they all turned on me, their eyebrows furrowing and gossip frequency speeding up and going higher in pitch. I also met my boss and he almost popped a vain on his forehead. In the morning, through my depression from Monday morning I was forcing it, but as the day went on it turned into full-force vindictive joy and became more natural and the happiness authentic.When someone is trying to beat you down to the ground try this attitude for a change. It might actually make you feel happy and satisfied.

My Beloved Soccer Styled Up in New

I was searching for pictures to put up a new hijabee style combo to put up and came upon this on http://www.turkishjournal.com. I just had to share :)

Ninja Style

Spring is here. How did I know? My face is in full bloom and my skin is reminding me how ugly I felt all through adolescence. It’s just as bad as Amy Winehouse or Kate Moss. My bad skin scares little children and the eczema stigmatizes me even more, because I have the urge to scratch. It itches loads. A few more days like this – and it’s only getting worse – and I will OD on anti-histaminic. Any suggestions what I am supposed to do? By the way, it does provide me one good argument for niqab. With what my face looks like today, it would be service to the society to hide under a black cloth. To top it off, I’ve run out of blemish concealer.

I think I might have thought of ideal outfit for wear. Maybe I’ll try the ninja-style. It would solve the “scaring little kiddos” problem and it would solve my fashion/religion issues during sport. I took up aerobic-kickbox to get back in shape, but skipping keeps shaking-off all my head-wear. I think I will tape the scarf to my forehead in order to keep it there. Though, I did get a good suggestion from a friend. Try check-outhttp://www.thehijabshop.com/capsters/index.php. I am considering getting either the Aerobics one, or the Basic one. Haven’t chosen yet. I have a big head and would probably look funny in both. The rest of my “I am behaving healthy” clothes are black and yellow.

Niqab - does "chaste" clothing really deobjectify a woman?

One thing I believe I will never in my life understand is niqab. Why anyone would wear it? To me it does not protect a woman’s chastity, but dehumanizes her. One thing is, to cover your face and body, which leaves you chaste and makes it easier for men to lower their gaze. That is good and makes sense to me. I feel more human, when someone hangs around to talk to me and look me in the face, listening to what I have to say, or wishing to talk to me for who I am, rather for liking the view in my cleavage. Covering clothing is to make sure that people take you as a person, not as an object.

However, if I talk to someone, I want to see, whether they are sincere or ironic, happy or sad and to know, how they feel. Without being able to see this, I feel very uncomfortable and insecure talking to them. Many of us have been taught to be diplomatic and to listen, even if we are not interested, but I would rather be able to tell and change topic. To me, without a face, there is no person. I can’t help myself and feel, like if I am speaking to a computer.

How does a child find his mother in a crowd of niqabees in a playground? By the smell? Lovely. I would find it very frustrating. How can children trust their teacher, if she is all hidden from them in a freaky outfit? If I am an old person in a hospice – dying – I’m not sure, whether the comforting words from a nurse, looking like death herself would be so comforting after all. I would want to see her kindness and compassion in her face, dancing around her wrinkles and touching her eyes and brow.

And the worst thing of all – have you ever seen a niqabee eat in a restaurant? I’ve worked in a restaurant so speaking for myself, I have. Not once. It is a sight that I would rather delete from my memory. Otherwise I find the black shadow just scary, but this is kind of sick. I’ve seen this kind of consumption executed on spaghetti. I still lose sleep to that. I would post a link on youtube, but the description is way to offensive, so I will rather not.

If you are a niqabee, please do not be offended. I do not judge you as people. I just simply don’t understand what leads you to the decision and what attracts you in wearing niqab. Rather, if you know how to explain, please let me know. I am looking forward to see this topic from a different perspective.

Here the one in niqab looks best

Dancing Politics

I don’t appreciate opera, don’t tolerate theatre, save for Shakespeare, but I LOVE ballet!

Today we have gone to see Faustus, made into a ballet. It was used as a background for a Nazi era love story; I didn’t get the whole thing, but it was emotionally very strong. Compared to the performance I saw a month back, there were no semi-naked Adonis dancers, but it was visually just as impressive. A round of applause for Mefistoteles and the female lead.

At first I thought it was an allegory for artists being cheap w****s, willing to be blind to various regimes and willing to collaborate, just to be able to perform (Faust was not a scientist, but a violinist). Later, I lost track completely, there was too much Nazi’s. Some of the historical facts portrayed were far off mark, but they still deserve credit. It was very emotional and when the families were shot instead of being able to emigrate it really caught me off guard and made me cry – and I used to be a lecturer on the topic of holocaust so I am not easily swayed.

The costumes were impressive, choreography too, hilarious at times and very elegant at others. The girl was elegance and beauty impersonated... I am sooo looking forward to the next performance!

What is your vice when needing culture?

How Creative a Cook Are You?

I am a stricktly no fruit, no diet food kind of person. I do not dig on fresh fruit, mainly if it isn't either a banana or a kaki and I am politically opposed to low fat products of all sorts too. I do like vegetables, but that is an exception and I prefer them in juxta positioning with a big steak or a bit of lamb or red meat in general.

Maybe as a reflection of that, my personal cook prepared me fresh herbal tea this morning. The herbs were called BARBECUE MIX. How sweet is that? Actually, it was really delicious.